Dear Sirs, Madams, and Inanimate Things

Dear Megan Fox, Let me hit that.

Dear Beyonce, Let me hit that twice.

Dear Serena Williams, Wanna hit this?

Dear America, Stop comparing me to Charles Manson just because all the dime pieces in your country wanna hit this.

Dear Rappers, You’re rich!  Stop shooting at each other.

Dear Laslow, I just echoed your sentiments.

Dear Einstein, If 4 + 4 = 44 what is 8 796 541 – 125 + (-8 796 372)?

Dear Hitler, Germany’s kicking other teams’ asses now without your help.

Dear Billy Joel, I know who started the fire.

Dear God, Life sucks.

Dear Satan, Life’s good.

Dear Buju Banton, Hetereosexual boys are selling their asses to finance their cocaine habits.